N.B. there might (or might not) be spoilers in this article!

They say familiarity breeds contempt, in which case The Five Doctors should be my least favourite Doctor Who story and yet, for all its flaws, it’s far too much fun for me ever to tire of watching it.

My son and I stuck with the broadcast version for this viewing, thinking we might save the special edition for when we reach Doctor Who‘s wilderness years.

“To lose is to win and he who wins shall lose.”

The Doctor, The Five Doctors

Sadly, we don’t see a great deal of Tom Baker in The Five Doctors, but the (at the time, previously unbroadcast) Shada footage does a reasonable job of suggesting his and Romana’s presence. Despite his best efforts, Richard Hurndall never really captures William Hartnell’s sparkle as the First Doctor (although to be fair, who could!) And how great would it have been if Colin Baker had been available to reprise his role as Commander Maxil! We might have ended up with The Six Doctors instead!

Elsewhere, the Sergeant at UNIT goes from not knowing who the Doctor is to acting surprised when Colonel Crichton doesn’t recognise him in the time it takes for the Second Doctor to insult the decorating, Sarah Jane (who’s clearly not moved to Bannermen Road yet) falls down the shallowest decline ever and, not to be outdone, Susan sprains her ankle tripping over a shrub.

If this all sounds like the contempt I claimed not to have for The Five Doctors, as with many stories the bad is more than countered by the good (even leaving aside the obvious pull of nostalgia). With the scenes at the Eye of Orion, the Fifth Doctor’s reaction to seeing Susan, the Master’s face when his fellow Time Lords regale him with his crimes, the Raston Warrior Robot, … you’re never too far from a memorable moment, which of course is only fitting in an anniversary tale!

(That said, I’m not sure if even Garry Kasparov would be able to figure out how the chess board in the Dark Tower actually works.)

“A man is the sum of his memories, you know. A Time Lord even more so.”

The (Fifth) Doctor, The Five Doctors

One of the fun things to do with The Five Doctors is trying to figure out when this actually takes place within each Doctor and companion’s timelines.

For the Fifth Doctor, Tegan and Turlough, presuming the Doctor’s steering is in order, it’s soon after The King’s Demons. For the Fourth Doctor and Romana it’s fairly obvious — during the events of Shada. After that it gets trickier.

Judging by his greeting, the Third Doctor seems not to have seen the Brigadier for a while. He recognises Sarah Jane (for whom it’s after the events of K-9 and Company). The Doctor is driving Bessie at the time of his abduction so perhaps at some point during season eleven he goes off on a long driving jaunt?

The First Doctor appears to be alone. Upon seeing Susan he makes no reference to their having been apart, so perhaps she’s still travelling with him and we’ll use dramatic licence to pretend Susan hasn’t aged? This doesn’t really tally with the impression Susan gives, though. He also recognises the Dalek, so I’m not tempted to say it’s before we meet him in An Unearthly Child. For the First Doctor then, this must either be during some unseen adventure or — at a pinch — some time during the first season. (Perhaps it’s during those two episodes where he’s off-screen during The Keys of Marinus?)

“Just a minute. It’s a matter of memory.”

The (Second) Doctor, The Five Doctors

That the Second Doctor is travelling on his own (and mentions the encounter with Omega to boot) when he goes to visit the Brigadier is puzzling enough, but things start to get really interesting — for that, read convoluted — when they reach the Tower and see the illusion of Jamie and Zoe. At this point, my son and I paused the DVD and, having re-watched The War Games recently, discussed the Doctor’s reasoning that his former companions would not recognise him or the Brigadier.

In The War Games, Jamie and Zoe are returned to their own times with memories of their first encounter with the Doctor intact.

Therefore

• Jamie and Zoe would remember the Doctor.
• Zoe would remember Jamie but Jamie would not remember Zoe
• Neither Jamie nor Zoe would remember the Brigadier (although the Brigadier would remember both of them)

If The Doctor supposedly regenerates at the end of The War Games, it rather begs the question: when is this is supposed to be in the Second Doctor’s timeline?

[COUGHS] Season 6B [/COUGHS]

Continuity (or, rather, should that be discontinuity), eh? It’s enough to give you ‘a twinge of cosmic angst’.